Thursday, September 29, 2011

Catherine made my lunch (and my day)

It really is just the simplest things that make such a difference.

Today was a rainy, cloudy, stuck at home kind of day. Stuck at home with all the kids - thanks to Rosh Hoshana.

So I thought -- let's get out the Halloween boxes and decorate the house. What could be more fun?

 And as the boxes opened so did a flood of emotions. My mom loved Halloween -- shoot- she loved all holidays. But as I opened the halloween boxes I first saw the halloween t-shirts she bought for the kids last year, and then the ones she bought the year before, and then the ones from the year before that. Then it was the gallon size ziploc bag of crazy halloween socks she has sent over the years. Then it was all the Halloween costumes she has either made for me entirely or held my hand while I made them myself. Then it was all the decorations she has given me. And then it was crying because I know that a Halloween box filled with fun new stuff is not currently being packed up and readied to mail.

And it sucks. So I withdrew.

The kids decorated and I drowned my sorrows on pinterest.

And then Catherine called us all to lunch. She had come up with it all on her own. She used garlic french bread and made little cheese bread pizza's. They were delicious and I was able to go on. (at least until Trent asked me how my day was at 9 pm)

Oh, Mommy, it is just not the same without you. Who will give me the courage to sew outrageous costumes? Who will talk me through all my stupid sewing mistakes? I always had so much help making these days memorable for not only me but also my children and now I just see the biggest shoes laying on the floor for me to fill and the truth is -- I don't want to fill them. I don't want to replace you even though I can. I just want you to do it. (yes, it sounds selfish but so what!) Sometimes aren't we all a little selfish?

So thanks Catherine for getting me out of the Halloween decorating blues. And the reality is I will fill the shoes. I'll buy the shirts and make the costumes and I guarantee that for at least 28 out of the 32 days reamaining I will be "normal" . But there will undoubtably be a few days that will be a little more melancholy like today. I sure do miss you mommy. ''


The Nixon Family said...

I'm glad Catherine and pinterest got you through the day... I don't think the saddness will ever go away. Your mom was extra awesome!! And you are just like her!

beckmarsh said...

How sweet, Jamie. You should be proud of the thoughtful kids you are raising. Just like your Mom did!