Saturday, January 5, 2013

The beast rears its ugly head

Having cancer affect you or someone very close to you changes you forever. It's as though an angry and ferocious beast has somehow gained access to your family. And although we erect barriers and walls to do everything we can to keep the beast out, you just always know he is out there. It's a deep emotional feeling -- part fear and part hatred and part hurt. And I long to go back to being unaware. We all know about the cancer beast, but until it knocks on your door you kind of go along blissfully ignorant. Today I found out that the beast has arrived at yet another friend's door. And that fear and uncertainty all comes rushing right back to you. And you know what they must be going through and it literally breaks your heart. And you are forced to deal with the worst feeling in the world-- loss of control. You cannot control how your cells will react. You cannot control the side effects. You cannot will it away or even pray it away. All you can do is endure. And pray for hope. And pray for strength. And embrace living in the moment. And maybe, just maybe the beast will leave you alone . . . for a while. And maybe, you'll be the lucky one, after all someone gets to be the lucky one, right?

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