This was a tough day. It is only 10 days since my mother passed away and now we have to celebrate what would have been her 57th birthday.
So we did. We celebrated by going to the beach (surfside) and playing with our kids in the sand. We wrote Happy 57th Birthday into the sand and even sang to her. I hope she heard us.
Every night I am falling into bed exhausted from the busy day and yet truly wanting to have the energy to write so many of you a heartfelt thanks for all the support and love I have felt throughout these last 3 weeks. And yet, the cards remain unwritten. They will get done, but it is going to take me some time because I want to let so many of you know just how much all the little things have meant to me.
But for now, I hope it is enough to just say thanks. Thanks for listening. Thanks for calling. Thanks for the cards and thoughtful messages. Thanks for the flowers. Thanks for coming from so far to the funeral. Thanks for the emails and facebook notes. Thanks for the comments on the blog. Thanks for just making sure that I knew I was not alone.
Everyone wants to know -- how are we doing? how am I? how are the kids? how are my dad and Tyler doing?
So here is my best answer. We are all doing as well as we ought to be doing. Much of the time it feels like normal and we laugh and have fun and it seems like mom has just run to the store and surely she'll be back soon. But every once in a while it hits you that the store must be very, very far away.
And as we walk all throughout my parent's home it feels like there are empty shoes lying everywhere. Each of us are doing our part to step into her shoes for a time -- but the more we do the more we realize just how many empty shoes are lying around. There are hundreds of them.
So as long as we keep our thoughts and our eyes focused on eachother, having fun and building relationships we probably seem like nothing has happened; but if you happen to catch one of us as we glance down and feel the void at all the empty shoes you might get a glimpse of the loss we are experiencing.