Sunday, May 13, 2012

To my mom, on Mother's day

Dear Mom,

 Just a year ago today I was sitting at your side at the Methodist Hospital.
  Mom settled in room

While we all knew things were serious with your cancer things were still so promising. You were starting clinical trials later that week. You were accepting of the fact that cancer may not ever entirely go away but may be more like a chronic illness.

 So much changed so fast didn't it?

 Those next 6 weeks were like a big blur for me. And then it was over.

 Completely. Over.

And somehow life has continued.  And I realize now more than ever that everything is always subject to change.  And that change comes at us fast.

My kids are getting bigger.  I don't have all the answers for dealing with all the new little problems that always seem to crop up.  I miss all the phone calls and all the little ideas you always had for dealing with those small yet very real issues.

There have been so many people who have quietly stepped in.  I have been so surprised at how many people.  I truly have felt loved and cared for in your absence but I'll admit what has surprised me is how ungrateful I sometimes feel for it.  I feel bad about it, but I think it is an honest part of the grieving process.  I don't want someone else to step in.  I don't want someone else to take your place.

But I'm working through it.  Slowly.

Oh there is so much to tell you about.  Mostly, that we are moving back to TEXAS!!!  Can you believe it?  Me either.

Well, I love you.



Marci said...

I always love your posts about your mom. And how exciting that you are coming back to Texas!

Momma Salt said...

I dreamed the other night that i was sitting and visiting with your mom. We talked, we laughed,...I woke up feeling glad she was my friend.