Be Prepared, this may be long, will definately be random, but hopefully you will laugh along with me.
Q. How does a busy mother of four read 5 books in a week?
A. You start out with 2 really sick kids (4 ear infections, strep throat and pneumonia), then you sit on the couch with them holding them, letting them watch all the TV they want (since they can't do anything else) and you try, try to do something else, but they just whine unless you sit right next to them so you finally pull out all the books you want to read and get some reading done during the days of soothing.
Q. Do I believe in spring cleaning?
A. Absolutely, just last week I thought, "do you think if I start a spring cleaning routine it will hasten the onset?" and then I laughed and looked at the weather forecast (which by the way has predicted anywhere from 12-24 inches of snow for my area in the next 48 hours) and pushed all thoughts of spring and cleaning out of mind. However, you know the phrase, "Some people are born with greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them" Well here is my version, "Some people are born with desires to spring clean, Others have spring cleaning thrust upon them." So thank-you to the school nurse for calling and requesting I come pick up all 3 girls from school due to lice. (mind you this was within 20 minutes of being back at school after a week and a day break, and the snow day, and the sick day -- so they had already been home for a week and a half solid).
Q. How do you treat lice?
A. You cry a little (OK a lot). Then you spend a small fortune on toxic chemicals, and then a large fortune on "homeopathic" remedies, and you plan on sitting and combing hair for hours and hours and hours.
Q. What are the ideal circumstances for getting lice?
A. 1. Warm sunny weather (so you can comb for nits outside with the help of the sun to see those suckers and the knowledge that the little nits are falling on the ground outside not on your couch or chair.
2. When you only have boys living at home. (just give them a buzz and save the time and money)
3. Warm sunny weather (so each bed does not have 3 quilts on it, 2 extra blankets and a few stuffed animals)
4. Warm sunny weather (so that each child had not been wearing a long sleeved shirt, a sweater, a hoodie, a winter coat, a scarf, a hat, and gloves)
5. When your dryer is working! (mine was, but everytime I called my mom to complain about how bad I have it she would remind me that when we all got it as kids, our dad was out of town and the dryer was broken -- so I always felt like I couldn't complain too much -- oh but I wanted too!)
Q. How many of these ideal circumstances did I have?
A. Only the dryer.
Q. In the meantime, Trent had a birthday, did you celebrate?
A. Trent ended up having to travel to Cleveland on his birthday and the day after, so on the night before (when he was working late in the city) I put all the kids in the car along with some cupcakes and we drove straight to Times Square (where a dear co-worker of Trent's whom I had never met and who has no kids) greeted me at the curb and graciously took all 4 kids and the cupcakes into the lobby while I braved the NY parking scene.
Q. Is that co-worker ever going to have kids now, or did this experience teach him a thing or two about the need for prevention?
A. I haven't asked him, but I am sure the thought crossed his mind, as he ended up waiting for me in the lobby for a long time.
Q. Why so long, did you get pulled over by any NY cops?
A. Yes, but the kids were not in the car so it doesn't count because no one need ever know.
Q. Why did you get pulled over?
A. For relying too heavily on the GPS, which clearly said, "Turn left on 7th Avenue." So I turned left on 7th avenue . . . but I failed to notice the small white sign that prohibits left turns between 6 and 7 P.m. Unfortunately the cop did not fail to notice. After looking at my license, registration, and insurance (which he first asked if i chose to carry insurance . . . What???? don't you have to have insurance???? Apparantly not in NY -- silly me-- that sure explains a lot of cabs reckless driving), he did not give me a ticket-- just a very stern and loud, "Read the signs, LADY!"
Q. Did you do anything else for Trent?
A. To help his co-workers get to know him better I provided them with this 36 question True False Quiz. You may feel free to try it too.
36 True False Questions to Learn more about Trent Handy
1. Trent was born in 1974.
2. Before Ernst & Young, Trent worked for a multi-level marketing company.
3. Trent hasn’t been fly fishing in more than 10 years.
4. Trent lived in Houston for 9 years before relocating to CT.
5. Trent speaks Swedish.
6. Trent’s first Ebay purchase was a Mister Mister CD.
7. Trent is the oldest of 7 kids.
8. Trent grew up in a small suburb of Salt Lake City called Taylorsville.
9. Trent never had a microwave growing up.
10. When scheduling his wedding, the most important thing for Trent was making sure he was back from the wedding, reception, and honeymoon in time for the Pigskin Classic football game between BYU and Texas A&M.
11. Trent has 4 kids.
12. Trent loves college football (especially BYU games).
13. Trent has been married for nearly 14 years.
14. Trent hung dead fish and smeared icecream on the windows of his future wife’s apartment to get her attention.
15. Trent has built an entire house (start to finish) and not a little house either (a 4500 sq ft one).
16. Trent has been on a plane that was diverted because of a bomb threat.
17. Trent has seen the following Broadway shows – Mary Poppins, The Little Mermaid, Shrek, and Guys & Dolls.
18. Trent knows how to change his own brake pads.
19. Trent is famous for winning contests at work.
20. Trent drives a 99 Honda Civic.
21. Trent is a Disneyland fan – he knows the park forwards and backwards.
22. Trent posed naked for a medical journal.
23. Trent’s High School Prom theme song was “Save the Best for Last” by Vanessa Williams.
24. Trent’s favorite apples are Granny Smiths.
25. Trent gave his wife a dozen red roses for Valentine’s day this year.
26. One of Trent’s favorite music groups is Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band.
27. If Trent were to participate in any Reality TV show it would be The Amazing Race.
28. Trent took Jamie to an opera for their first date.
29. Trent let a flight attendant do a lap dance for him on a flight.
30. The last book Trent read was The Count of Monte Christo.
31. Trent has eaten turtle.
32. Trent cheers for the Yankees.
33. Trent passes out anytime he gets blood drawn.
34. Trent’s favorite game to play is called Bohnanza.
35. Trent is very supportive—he even watches the Bachelor with his wife (although he makes fun of it the whole time).
36. Trent enjoys washing cars.
Ford County by John Grisham
