Really??? Really??

While I think Saturday Night Live isn't very funny very often, I love the segment during the Weekend News Update with Seth Meyer called "Really?"

So here is my version of that segment.

My doorbell rings at 2:00 in the afternoon today and I answer it to find a uniformed police officer standing there. Really?

My first thought was that someone died. Kind of scary really.

But she (the officer) quickly states that she is here to deliver a citation for our dog being off his leash at a local park.

Really???

I don't have a dog I replied.

"Well ma'am it is your yellow lab" the officer replied.

Really?

Because not only do I not have a dog, I definately don't have a yellow lab.

The officer replied, "But we traced the plates from your husband's black mercedes -- a Mr. Trent Handy -- to this address."

Really???

Because I not only don't have a dog, but we do not have a black mercedes.

She asked, "What kind of car does your husband drive?"

I replied a 99 Honda Civic, white.

She laughed.

Really????

She then asked if I would check our cars to make sure the plates were not stolen.

Really???

I checked the minivan. Both plates were there. I told her I would have trent check his car when he got home as it is parked at the train station right now.

I did state that I was willing to pay the citation if I got to keep the black mercedes. Really.

She laughed. Again.

Apparently here in my town, the cops don't have a lot going on. Home visits for dogs off their leash -- that is pretty serious stuff.

Really. Someone could have been licked.

Really.

Karma???

So . . .

to recap for the sake of this story

Julianne got glasses in October (frame A).
Catherine got glasses in November (also frame A -- because her mom can't be trifled with such small details)

Julianne got new glasses in April (frame B) (meaning I have an extra frame A pair of glasses lying around the house)

On Monday, Catherine came home from school, having been tackled at recess by a group of boys who wanted a ball she was holding, and her glasses were broken in the incident. (maybe at some point I will write about the "incident", but I am still too mad about it.)

However as luck would have it, despite her frames being completely ruined, the lenses were somehow unscathed.

I called the glasses place and they said since the frames were identical and I had purchased both of them there that they would put the good lenses into the good frames (julianne's old frames) for FREE!!!!

So my little lack of attention to detail saved me $250 bucks!!!!

It made the "incident" not quite as bad.

Yuck-o

I have always enjoyed watching a good cooking show and there was a time (back when I lived in Sugar Land) that Rachael Ray's 30 minute meals seemed to come on just as I was making dinner and I would watch it while I cooked. I always liked it (although rarely tried her recipes -- despite having one of her cookbooks). I have never intentionally sat down to watch her new talkshow -- but over the years there has been the occasional laundry session where I watched it. So even though I am decidely not the biggest fan of hers in the world, I was very excited to get tickets to her show to watch it being filmed.

I called my friends and found 3 others who were willing to make the sacrifice to go. And it was a sacrifice. The check in time was 1:45 p.m. on a Thursday. The email made it clear that more tickets would be issued than actual seating available (I think they learned that from the airlines industry!). We were advised that a line would form outside of the studio and despite everyone having tickets we would be seated on a first come first serve basis. We decided to arrive an hour early.

That meant -- I left my house at 10:30 a.m. I drove to Jacque's house and picked her up at 10:40. I (acting as the fashion police-- which is really not exactly my niche in society!) was concerned her outfit was too white (not ethnically, but color wise) as we were given strict dress code rules. So after driving only a block away, we re-read the rules and turned right back around to her house for her to change clothes.

In case you were wondering . . . Here is the dress code.

What to wear: Dress your best! All audience members may appear on camera. All audience members must follow a business/trendy dress code. ** PLEASE NOTE: ANYONE WEARING SHORTS/CAPRIS/GAUCHO PANTS AND/OR FLIP FLOPS WILL BE DENIED ENTRY! **
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM WEARING THE FOLLOWING:
· Sneakers
· Velour pant suits or jogging suits
· T-shirts
· Ripped jeans
· White or off-white colors
· Sleeveless tops/tank tops
· Sequins or very busy patterns
· Hats

You'll look your best wearing solid, jewel-toned colors. (deep blues, reds, greens, etc)
We have the right to deny anyone who does not follow guidelines. Please make your guests aware of these dress codes as well. Thank you.

Jacque found a new non-white, non-capri outfit and we were off to pick up Julie (where this time Jacque got to be the fashion police) and then we picked up Jana (where Julie got to be the fashion police).

We barely found parking close to the train station and walked quickly to board the 11:27 train to Grand Central.

We arrived at 12:35 and made our way to the studio (a 0.4 mile walk). Thankfully the weather was nice (we were all worried enough that we brought umbrellas). We quickly found the line and got in it. The "gatekeeper" walked through the line confirming our names and tickets. After making it through the line he came back for a second go through, but this time he was pulling people out of line for not conforming to the dress code.

THEY TAKE THEIR DRESS CODE VERY VERY SERIOUSLY!!!! There was a very nice woman in line in front of us. She was dressed very nicely and was wearing black trousers that I would call "cropped pants" They showed about an inch of her ankle. But that was too much for the Rachael Ray show. She was informed that her options were to run (race??) to the The Gap around the corner and buy "real" pants and to hurry or she would not make it.

We watched them send several people to purchase "more appropriate" clothing. Now, this is the part I have a hard time understanding. If you were wearing an extremely mini- mini- skirt, one so short you could barely sit down without sharing a lot of intimate details about your style of underclothing you were perfectly fine -- it did not even matter if the mini-skirt was very casual in style.

Or -- If you were wearing a sleeveless top -- that was not permitted, but a shirt with sleeves-- that was so low cut, we all knew you were wearing a white lace demi bra -- that one was perfectly acceptable.

Wow, talk about fashion police.

At 1:45, they began to let everyone come in to the building to go through security and wait for the elevator (that only takes 6-10 people at a time). When you stepped out of the elevator, you were in a small waiting room. When we stepped out of the elevator, we were in a small waiting room, where all of the seats were already taken, as well as all of the standing room, so we kind of just squished in. There was coffee and water and muffins to make our sardine can experience slightly more enjoyable. Somewhere around 2:30 they started calling us by ticket color to be seated in the studio.

We were happy to be the first ticket color called!

We were seated in the 3rd row on the right. The studio is quite amazing. There are 6 or 7 little scenes all around the circular room. The audience chairs are in the middle on a giant lazy susan. As the segments change (from couch to kitchen or from kitchen to garage), the audience just spins to the appropriate place. The sets are really phenomenal. The kitchen was amazing. I thought they were all so very well done.

Next, out comes the rodeo clown. His job is to entertain us during all the down time as well as direct us in our job -- when to clap, how much to clap, when to smile, when to frown, when to pick our nose, etc. . .

We do several filmed versions of us clapping very intensely. We were even smiling a lot because we felt so ridiculous clapping to all the cameras for no reason.

And then -- the rodeo clown points out the queen bee herself entering the studio. The audience erupts in "real" clapping and turns to watch Rachael walk in. She is deep in conversation with Gretta, a regular fashion guru on the show, they are arm in arm and proceed to walk to the front center couch without so much as looking up.

This is where the dissappointment began. Despite the clapping and obviuos adoration of the crowd -- there was no wave -- no head nod -- no wink -- no acknowledgement of our existence in any way. It felt awkward. Really awkward.

When one thinks of a stuck up self centered celebrity -- they are often described as being like a "rock star" -- but not to me anymore. Every rock star I have ever seen at any type of venue always waves and acknowledges their audience and fans. So -- from now on I will describe a person who is coming across as exceedingly arrogant this way . . . "Who does she think she is???? A day time television talk show host?????"

Yeah, I am not very forgiving apparently.

But it just got worse from there. The first segment was OK. A pre-taped segment on shopping for the perfect prom dresses. It ended with the girls walking out in their "perfect finds!" Very sweet and sappy. The mothers were there.

The second segment had our "celebrity" guest. They do not tell you ahead of time who it will be -- so when she announced "Damon Wayans" -- I will be the first to admit that I could not immediately produce a face to go with the name. Once he came out, I could vaguely remember him from skits on In Living Colour -- He was promoting a book (which he did not bring to give to the audience) and he also could only vaguely remember where he started his career, requiring several redo's of a question. He was nervous and his leg was noticeably shaking under the table.

Then he helped Rachael play "Stump the Rach". This section was mildly humorous.

We were served the snack of the day -- 2 not so great chocolate chip cookies made somewhere in Ohio.

Then another pre-taped segment for us to watch from Rocco Dispirito where he helps a junior high group from Vermont find something other than PB&J to take on their 4 day trip to Washington D.C. You will not believe his reccomendations . . .

1. fritatta
2. meatloaf
3. fried chicken
and
4. chicken burritos

I really truly cannot envision these kids packing these lunches for 4 days on a trip to D.C. Really???? To store them in their hotel fridge???? To carry them allover town in the heat????

Then just as they seemed to be setting up another segment, Rachael announces that ordinarily we would film until 6 or 7 but that she was going to dinner -- albeit a charity one - and we were quickly ushered out.

A lady for the show did take our audience "class picture", and we were told it would be posted on FB. So far it hasn't --

I will be surprised if it is. All the other audience class pictures have 40-50 comments like "Great show, loved the segments, loved the give aways"

I really have to wonder what our comments on our picture would (or will) be "Crazy show, no give aways" "Rachael does not even a wave" "Sure thought you cooked occasionally???" "And I bought new pants for this????"

From the grumblings on the way down, it was clear I was not the only one who felt a little dissappointed.

According to the FB page, our show will air this Tuesday. You can see a preview here http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/view/1001/?utm_source=facebook I am not in the preview, but look for me Tuesday on the show. I am the one in pants, with no flip flops and a jewel colored shirt. You can't miss me I'm sure.

In the meantime, my kids are so excited for me to pack their lunches for school. It will mean new traditions "Meatloaf Monday" and "Frittatta Friday".

Thanks to my friends for coming with me. It meant lots of babysitters and planning ahead.

Thanks so much to Trent for taking the day off and holding down the fort with our 4 little kids.

I learned a lot, had some fun, and sure wish I had a built in audience who would cheer for me no matter what I did.

Some Household and Car Cleaning Tips

I got an email from a good friend asking if I could share any tips to help on keeping a car full of kids clean and keeping up with the house. I often get asked questions like this because the assumption is that if you have only seen my house and car clean, it must be clean all the time. Trust me, it isn't. But I do try very hard to keep up with it and my favorite thing in the world is to have people over so I work hard to keep my house in that condition -- where I am ready as often as possible to have people over.

This morning was the perfect example of how I often operate. It was 9:00. I hadn't showered. The kids were out the door to school. I was sitting in my PJ's on the couch watching Diego with Adam. I knew I had several things I wanted to do, but I really was lacking in motivation. My bed wasn't made, Adam's bed wasn't made, the dishwasher had not yet been emptied, the breakfast dishes were on the table. I knew that by myself it might take me all day to get around to everything. What I really wanted to do today was make homemade granola (I had bought everything for it on Monday), but there was no way I was going to start a project in my current state. So, Looking for motivation I started to call friends. The first one didn't answer. The second one did! I asked Michelle if she wanted to come learn how to make granola. She said she did but wanted to make sure she could get her kids going so she said she would call back. I continued to sit on the couch. Fifteen minutes later at 9:14 she called back to say they were on their way (she lives 10 minutes away). Over the next 10 minutes, I emptied the dishwasher, folded a load of laundry, started another, did the breakfast dishes, took a shower, got dressed, made the beds and she still wasn't here -- she actually didn't get here for 25 minutes so I also found the granola recipe and dug through my food storage to find the oats.

Cleaning your house is all about being motivated to do it. With the right kind of motivation, it just doesn't take long. But I can promise you, that if I had not called a friend, I would barely have gotten any thing done by 3 p.m. (and definately not the yummy granola).

Anyway, here are the tips I emailed back to Andrea. Hope this helps someone out there.

How to keep the car clean??

1. Put a towel underneath the car seats (especially if you have leather seats as our car seats have actually ripped the leather because they are pulled so tight and the car seats edges are not exactly smooth). It is so much easier to take out a towel and shake it off than to vacuum in all the crevices.
2. Keep the dustbuster stored in the garage right by the car -- (then when you know the goldfish have spilled you can take care of it right away)
3. Keep a garbage can close to the car in the garage.
4. Store your plastic grocery bags in the car -- preventing mud is so much easier than cleaning it up -- I try and be aware of the kids shoes after soccer practice and the like -- if they are muddy, I have them take them off and put them into a plastic bag -- I figure this helps a ton keeping my house clean too -- if you are aware of what is on your kids shoes before they get in the car, then all that mud will never get in your house. I have put dirty soccer balls into the bags. I use them for garbage.
5. Add this routine -- while getting gas have everyone search the car for garbage, there is always a garbage can right by the gas tanks and you are doing nothing else -- my kids are great at this -- it is like a big hunt for trash at the gas station and I am not ashamed to admit buying them treats sometime as a reward for finding lots of garbage.
6. When we lived in Texas Trent washed and vacuumed the car each saturday, but here it happens more like once a month -- but even when it was every week it was never a huge task because the car was never that dirty at least on the inside to begin with.


Hope that helps with the car. . .

Now to the hard question, do I ever get worn out and just not clean up.

Yep, and I always, always regret it. I must say it happens less and less because of the reality that it never gets easier and I always want to kick myself when I do it. Especially in our circumstances right now. Trent leaves at 6 in the morning and doesn't get home often until 9:30 at night -- so there literally is no one to bail me out. My mom does not live here, my sisters do not live here. So the burden falls on just me. all the time. I constantly am talking myself into doing the little things. But here are some things I have done to help.

1. Whenever I cook a meal, I cook another meal for the same day at the same time. My goal is to be in the kitchen for only 2 meals a day (and yet eat 3 meals a day at home) -- So . . . while making breakfast and packing the kids lunches, I nearly always pack Adam and me a lunch as well. It is not any more work to pack 3 lunches or 5 lunches, but when I am done cleaning up the breakfast lunch making mess, I know that I do not have to be in the kitchen again until dinner. It also means that every day I am ready to go on an adventure with Adam. We always have our lunch packed and ready to go. It gives me the incentive to find a park or an activity to go and do with him.

2. When the girls buy lunch, which is 1-2 times a week, I always make dinner for everyone while I am making lunch. So again, when I am done with lunch-- dinner is already made. I often even set the table at lunch time for dinner. I do all the dishes and cleanup and just have to heat up dinner when it is time. That means the dinner dishes are not very many.

3. I am not afraid to use paper plates. On days when I know I am going to be tired, I make things as easy as possible.

4. Every dinner is not a big deal. My kids are just as happy with scrambled eggs as they are with shrimp and snow peas (OK, sometimes even more happy). I have sometimes said, "Kids, Mom is tired, let's have cereal." They never complain.

5. I always make a ton of food and freeze ready made plates (so that on cereal days- Trent can find a "real" dinner in the freezer.

6. Reward yourself. I love to be on the computer. So I use computer time as a reward for myself when the laundry is done. If I am posting a lot on my blogs, you can know that I was doing laundry. I also love naps. My goal each day is to be done with everything in the house by 9:30 in the morning so that I can play with friends, take a nap while adam watches max and ruby, and read a book. I am often the most productive in the house when I have a good book to read, because I bribe myself with the book. I guess I feel too guilty to just sit and read for hours on end. So I always say to myself, "I am going to let myself read a chapter for every load of laundry I do. or I am going to do a craft with Adam and then read a chapter. "

7. Become ritualistic. Every night, no matter what, I start the dishwasher. It doesn't matter if the load is small or big. Every morning the first thing we do is empty the dishwasher (all the kids help). That way I am ready to handle all the dishes of the day. As for laundry -- every day I run 2 loads (whites and coloreds). I like the loads the smaller the better. (they seem so much more manageable to deal with) -- When I do the whites and it is a very small load I run and grab some towels to add to it or some sheets. Also I always make myself finish a load before pulling another one out of the dryer. Even if I have gotten behind and have 6-7 loads of laundry waiting, I much prefer to tackle one load at a time, instead of stacking up the clean laundry for one gigantic 2 hour folding session.

8. Use your kids. Mine have become such good helpers lately. When it comes to picking up toys they are really great. I have several "tools" we use sometimes. Occasionally when there is a big mess in the toy room we play bean bag pickup. I toss bean bags at the kids and if they get hit, they have to put something away. The kids love the game and always want to play it. When it is the rest of the house I have them all go find 5 things and bring them to the table. Once on the table we group things as to what room they go in and then each kids is responsible for all the stuff in one room (often there own).

9. I have a place (here in this house it is a barstool) designated for each kid. I put their laundry on it, and all day if I find something that is their's or something they got out, I just put it on their stool. When they come home from school that is the first thing they have to do -- clear the stool, then they get to sit on the stool and have snack. I don't ever put away the kids laundry or their toys. I tell them I have enough of my own mess -- but I will gladly trade, I will do their stool if they make and clean up dinner. None of them have traded yet. They NEVER get snack or get to go to a friend's or go to soccer if their stool is not cleared. They all know this rule very well and it is just a part of their routine. Even Adam does it.

Hope this helps. I certainly learn through trial and error, no day is ever perfect, but I really try and not put off something because I know it just gets worse. I really feel like I only spend a small part of the day working on the house. I always reward myself with having friends over or going out every day to a park or something. And there is nothing like going to bed each night knowing that you are ready for the next day. there is nothing like enjoying a book and not feeling guilty about the things you should be doing. and there is nothing like having a nap and knowing you deserve it.

And if all else fails, chocolate is amazing. A small piece of chocolate is often the motivation I need to get moving!

Adam's name

A long, long time ago I purchased some painted wooden letters to decorate all of the kid's rooms with their names. I did the girls' names in February of 2008 and Adam's letters have sat, undone for over 2 1/2 years. Today, he asked why his room did not belong to him. I couldn't figured out what he meant and questioned him. He said it is because his room doesn't have his name on the wall. He started crying even. So -- I made his letters today. It is such an easy project (you can see the directions on the link to the girl's ones). He loves it! Now his room is his!

Spring Soccer

3 kids playing.
4 practices a week.
3 games each Saturday.
. . . and the kids love it!!!!

April 22nd -- Bring your daddy home early from work day!!!

also known as "Take your daughters to work day"

This year both Julianne and Catherine were old enough to attend the program. This year the "official" program started at 9 and ended at noon. So Trent took the girls in to the city on the 7:09 train (later than his usual 6:21 train) took them to work, took them to the "official" program, picked them up at noon, grabbed some lunch, ate at Bryant Park, enjoyed the beautiful spring weather we have been having and were headed home on the 2:07 train.

Catherine even made it to her afternoon soccer practice! We loved having Daddy home early!!!