The circus came to town -- and we all went!

Happy 57th Birthday Mom!!!

This was a tough day. It is only 10 days since my mother passed away and now we have to celebrate what would have been her 57th birthday.

So we did. We celebrated by going to the beach (surfside) and playing with our kids in the sand. We wrote Happy 57th Birthday into the sand and even sang to her. I hope she heard us.

Every night I am falling into bed exhausted from the busy day and yet truly wanting to have the energy to write so many of you a heartfelt thanks for all the support and love I have felt throughout these last 3 weeks. And yet, the cards remain unwritten. They will get done, but it is going to take me some time because I want to let so many of you know just how much all the little things have meant to me.

But for now, I hope it is enough to just say thanks. Thanks for listening. Thanks for calling. Thanks for the cards and thoughtful messages. Thanks for the flowers. Thanks for coming from so far to the funeral. Thanks for the emails and facebook notes. Thanks for the comments on the blog. Thanks for just making sure that I knew I was not alone.

Everyone wants to know -- how are we doing? how am I? how are the kids? how are my dad and Tyler doing?

So here is my best answer. We are all doing as well as we ought to be doing. Much of the time it feels like normal and we laugh and have fun and it seems like mom has just run to the store and surely she'll be back soon. But every once in a while it hits you that the store must be very, very far away.

And as we walk all throughout my parent's home it feels like there are empty shoes lying everywhere. Each of us are doing our part to step into her shoes for a time -- but the more we do the more we realize just how many empty shoes are lying around. There are hundreds of them.

So as long as we keep our thoughts and our eyes focused on eachother, having fun and building relationships we probably seem like nothing has happened; but if you happen to catch one of us as we glance down and feel the void at all the empty shoes you might get a glimpse of the loss we are experiencing.

Two things to notice

Catherine got her braces off!

We are at Tyler's water polo game!

Busy -- Zoo, Jam, party

We got up and immediately went to the zoo. It opens at 9 am and we got there just a few minutes after it opened. We have a membership to the Houston Zoo (which also gets us into most other zoos in the US -- except the Bronx Zoo and the Central Park Zoo). And we have been to MANY zoos -- but I must say I LOVE THE HOUSTON ZOO! It is so nice -- it is IMHO better by far than any other. We hurried through and saw so much before it got too hot. By 11:30 we were headed back home. We took my brother with us as well. Here are my favorites of the day --

Then I took Julianne birthday shopping.

Then I went to the grocery store and got the stuff to make freezer jam.

Then I made 8 batches of freezer jam (4 of strawberry and 4 of raspberry)
Then I made a large pasta salad -- to take to a big swim team party for my brother Tyler's team (and also Shad and Amy's kids' team).

We went to the party -- swam and had fun. I love watching my kids swim, but not as much as I love watching them go off the diving board.

Even I got on the diving board today and tried a few tricks -- I (barely) did a 1 1/2. I did an inward dive. I did a reverse (or a gainer).

Trent even took a little video --

Houston -- the best restaurants EVER

I have been doing a lot of cooking.

After feeding the kids, I had not yet eaten and Trent had not yet eaten -- and I looked at him and said, "Let's go out to eat!"

So we asked Shad and Amy to watch the kids and we went to Chuy's.

I have forgotten how good mexican food can taste.

I have forgotten how convenient eating out can be.

I have forgotten how inexpensive Houston is.

But I was reminded of all those things. Thanks Chuy's! You made my day!

Independence Day

Is there anything more patriotic than a cute baby in a red shirt?

Or a simple flag hung outside a home?

This is my parent's home. The home I lived in for 10 years. We moved there when I was 8 and I lived there until I left for college at 18 --

We got up and went to their ward's 4th of July breakfast. My dad was reminiscing that we had moved into that home right before the 4th of July in 1984 and that our first activity in that ward was the 4th of July breakfast. I vaguely remembered doing that.

There was a silent sadness surrounding the day -- to have a holiday so soon after my mother's passing. To the best of our recollection -- every single 4th of July for 27 years has been spent by my parents in their home doing much the same thing -- ward breakfast, swimming, barbecuing, having friends over, watching fireworks. My mom always wore red, white, and blue -- so did my dad (the past few years it is a shirt that looks like it is sewn from an American Flag). My mom always wore patriotic earrings; My dad always hung the American flag out front. Most years we were awakened in the morning with loud patriotic music! It was just a great holiday spent doing what we loved with those that we loved to honor a country that we love.

There was just something missing about the whole day. The flag still flew, the red, white and blue still adorned us all, her patriotic earrings were on my ears, the grill was fired up, all of us swam, but it just felt a little funny. There was a hurt about it. We made the best of the day that we could, but the reality is that my mom is irreplaceable and while the activities will continue to go on -- they will never quite be the same for us again.

In other news, I had over the past week taken a lot of underwater footage of all the kids swimming. I made it into a video . . . Enjoy!

Nana and Grandpa

A lot of people came into town for the funeral, but we were so grateful for the support of Trent's parents who came for the funeral from Utah. It was a very quick trip for them. And I was so busy with everything going on that it made it seem even quicker. Here we all are just before they had to head off to the airport.